I’ve spent the better part of 30 years doing an approach-avoidance dance with my Soul’s Sacred Calling. Every time I’d get close, obstacles of all kinds would get in the way (often followed by emotional melt-downs :/ ). For years I use these obstacles as justification for ignoring the Call I could feel in my heart. Until all other avenues became closed to me…
What’s present for me right now, as I write this, is the awareness of what it’s been like to hold a very BIG vision for my life’s purpose – a real calling – while simultaneously feeling as if it were utterly impossible for me to make it happen.
Does this resonate with you?
Looking at it now, I’ve come to understand something. As strange or even unfair as it seems, I think that’s just how it works. At least, here in the physical world.
It’s like diamonds. Did you know the purest diamonds can only be formed under very high pressure and temperature, deep within the Earth’s mantle? The result of this deeply buried forging is a strength so extraordinary that it’s measured as the hardest substance on Earth.
It makes me think of this world we live in.
What I’m present to is an awareness of how dense much of human consciousness feels … the sheer force of it on a day-to-day basis. And with that, I’m feeling into what it means to experience my Soul persistently Calling me to something. Something that feels too hard, too large for little old me in this big, dense world.
Have you ever felt this way?
Now I’ve taken many inward journeys. I’ve had some extraordinarily dark periods of my life in which my psyche felt barren: hung on a meat hook and left for dead – much like the Goddess Inanna during her sojourn in the underworld. It was not fun. It was not easy. But when it was over, I was somehow more. I was stronger.
Yet it was only when I took the journey willingly, for the expressed purpose of healing fear in order to answer the Call of my Soul, that my Soul Purpose finally began to unfold.
It was thanks to the mythic, archetypal tales of the Goddess in her many guises that I was able to take this journey at all. For even though I understand the “Hero’s” journey, this masculine model wasn’t serving me.
It wasn’t about battle anymore. It was about surrender.
My personal Journey with the Goddess was about witnessing my own shadow in a vulnerable and present way. And it was by integrating and reclaiming HER – so deeply buried and so strong – that I could finally answer the Call of my Soul.
I’ve come to understand that it’s those really BIG visions – the “Calling” that just won’t go away – which seems to require of us a forging that’s often neither fun nor easy.
We are becoming diamonds. Divinity in form.